Issue 04 - Songs That Genuinely Has A Kill Count

At my core, I have always been a sad girl. No matter how carefree and happy-go-lucky I seem, there's always this tiny part of me that is just inherently sad. I have more sad playlists than happy ones. I wrote countless of sad poems while my happy poems could be counted in one hand. It's strange but I'm the most creative when I'm sad cause that is when I feel inspired to create. To quote Richard Siken, "Because the language of joy is grunts and moans and the vocabulary of loss is the dictionary."

These are type of songs I play while getting ready in the morning without even giving the day a chance to be a good day. DO NOT play these songs around me if you don't want me to crash out. I wasn't kidding when I said these songs has a kill count! 

Waiting Room - Phoebe Bridgers

First of all BITCH second of all BIIIITTCHHHH cause wtf do you mean "i know whatever happens to me, i know it's for the better" this song is the epitome of accepting thing for what it is but also hurting from things being one-sided. SHE MADE THIS FOR ME!! MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN FEELING LIKE THIS I am always the person who loves more :( (before I date my current boyfriend hehe)

Did You Like Her In The Morning? - NIKI

Ha Ha Ha idc she NEEDS to UNRELEASE this for the sake of my wellbeing. Honestly I remember when this album first came out and I couldn't physically bring myself to listen to it cause I know I'll just crash out. This song in particular CRUSHED ME. I'm so jealous of the people who can't relate to this song I'm tryna be like you my girl. I can't listen to the second verse ("Was she weightless in just your sweater? And does it feel heavy now to look at me instead? Did you hands find her waist when she got sloppy?") without bursting into tears and by the time the bridge ("Cause I don't know if I can compete with the former crowned head of your old Ford's front seat") comes on, I am already full on sobbing. Very dramatic,, I know but I can't help it that I feel so much and I always let everything gets to me.

Cool About It - boygenius

Always remember who was there for you when you were at your lowest ---> this song. Every members who sang this song has a different point of view about breakups. Dacus' part, however, sticks with me because I know the feeling of wanting an apology from your asshole ex and see whether they feel any sense of remorse from how they treated you the whole relationship. 

Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call Me - Bleachers

The way this was released during the peak of my situationship fallout LMAOOO I had a very very hard time (I mean, it WAS a 10 months on-off low commitment situationship after all) and this song helps me feel a little less insane.

OH GOLDEN BOY DON'T ACT LIKE YOU WERE KIND YOU WERE MINE BUT YOU WERE AWFUL ALL THE TIME

Casual - Chapell Roan

Had me in denial and asking myself repeatedly "was it casual? was it casual?" when it felt so intimate. I fr went through the 5 stages of grief everyday and was convinced I could invent another 3 stages if they let me. This song was my national anthem. I still feel a bit of chest pain everytime the first note plays. She's so right when she sings "You wonder why I'm bitter?!" 

But in hindsight, yeah maybe it WAS casual and I just over-romanticised everything. 

Less - Olivia Rodrigo 

A new addition to the list :) All I can say is I'm glad this was released in June 2026 and not November-December 2025 cause you would not see me alive today. On another note, I thought my bff, my personal close friend Olivia was having the time of her life being in the "perfect" relationship, the whole time she was fucking miserable FUCK LOUIS PARTRIDGE MAN I HATE THAT BITCH

Enough For You - Olivia Rodrigo

If you play this song at my funeral and I don't get up to sing the whole song then I'm dead for real.

What about you? Do you have a song which you can't listen to like a normal person? A song that will make you crash out no matter what?

with love, j